Oregon Trail

Have you ever woke up one morning and thought, "Who is this person?" And I am NOT talking about a one night stand here, I am talking about... yourself!?
This has been me over the last few months. Going from the old self to the new self. After a season of extreme emotional turmoil and spiritual battles, I am beginning to see the light.
It is almost as if God said to me, "OK, my daughter, you are over there and I want you to be over here. So I am going to move you. It's going to be very painful. I am going to tear up some really deep roots, till the ground and plant many new things."
This came as a revelation after reading John 15. That Jesus is the true vine and God is my gardener. God will cut off every branch in me that bears no fruit. While those that do bear fruit, He will prune so they will be more fruitful. Do you see a trend here? Either way, cutting or pruning, not one part of you gets to just rest, its all being tended too. All... ouch!

What has come out of such intense unrest? A totally different person!
I still know my areas of struggle of course, but I needed to work on other areas as well. Specifically how I prioritize my time, family life, talents and more.

I know the Lord has been working in me to let go of some busyness. Basically the good ol' American standard of life. Just how He did this I am unable to share, but lets just say it was painful and scary and took me to my knees, literally.
When you get to a point that you cannot function, your God becomes really big. And even though I was close to God before, I had slipped in several places and I was on cruise control- meaning self reliance. Prune that away and you will be clinging to Jesus for dear life. Which, by the way, is apparently where He wants us to be.

Oh and something beautiful I have learned... Victory in self pales in comparison to His victory through us.
As I let Him accomplish in me that which I cannot and am incapable of doing, my heart is full of worship and praise to Him. Again, right where He wants us to be.

During this reworking of my mind- which I am still doing and should continue to do as long as I breathe air- came a lot of clarity about priorities.

Here are a few things that are going on in our house...

1. Background: I taught school full time and KNEW that I would teach while having kids. *But God told me in 2006 to obey and stay home. He peeled my fingers away from my job. I let go and have loved my season of stay-at-home-motherhood. Then came the time for my kids to start school. I KNEW that I was an advocate for public school. I KNEW that I would be homeroom mom and PTA volunteer, a light in the darkness and the like. *But God told me to obey in 2010 and homeschool. We have committed to do this in 2010-11 the four year old program, most likely Sonlight. We will take these school decisions one year at a time. SO MANY factors came into play with this decision.
Here are just a two: The older child coming into our home will NEED to be at home. Playing catch-up in many areas and the kiddos in my home are not ready to be out of the home all day (or even half the day, everyday).
Then there is the crazy run around. This is part of the busyness I was talking about. Always on the go, go, go. It just needs to stop. Part of our season right now is time. at. home. playing. and. being. a. family!

2. Planning at-home-time. Everyone plans things out, right? Dinner date, movies, mall, errands, vacations and such. BUT do we ever plan things at home? "Oh, what are you doing on Friday night Natasha?" Well thanks for asking, "We are staying at home to play in the backyard with the kids followed by a macaroni and cheese dinner!" Planning at-home family time on purpose is hardly ever seen in our culture. Play games, make dinner together and enjoying one another at home. It's sticking to the theory of God, spouse, kids, others... not the other way around.
I have also been thinking about taking a vacation this summer. At HOME. You know, no emails, calls, plans, errands... just hanging out with my most precious gifts and doing stuff around the house. What-a-shocker!

3. Focus on lining the "event" up with God and your family first. Ok, let me unpack this. We added up the time we spend as a family during the weekdays. It was 7 hours a week. We are out of the house for volleyball and small group two nights a week, so my hubby only sees the kids on those days for 30 mins. The other 3 days its exactly 2 hours. (Weekend time varies of course)
So if someone calls and wants to have coffee, have a girls night, do this or that, I need to think to myself, "Will I be spending more time with you this week than my OWN family?" And by the way, we are not a super busy family. We have learned to say no, a lot, but still, everyone is pulled in different directions and we have had to say NO this week more than ever (I know we were tested) because we said to ourselves that we will not let anything come between our 7 hours a week of family time. Period. I am not saying we are sacrificing strong family and friendship ties, I am not, this will only make those connections stronger because our time with others will be valued instead of rushed.

4. Like the rest of the world, I love to save money. I love sales, but when it came to couponing and food budgeting, that just didn't seem to apply. February was the first month that this strong intense desire to use coupons just came over me. And made time to make it a priority. I got on line, called trusted friends and am learning to save money, on purpose. And it has worked! We save over $35 dollars this month in groceries.

5. Gardening. I set this as one of my New Year's resolutions and it is on its way. I have the plans drawn out, the size of boards needed, a dirt guy lined up, a highlighted list of veggies and fruits that we will be planting and I CANNOT wait! I feel overjoyed that God would call me to plant a garden. Especially during this time where I am clearly being worked on by my Gardener!
I would rather be in the dirt with my kids than on, let's say, Facebook. I am pro-internet communities of course, I mean I am writing this on a BLOG, but I am not sure this is always the case for many people in our society today. It has convicted me and I choose to be like a woman on the Oregon Trail. Yes, that is my goal. Totally dependant on God for my daily bread, my livelihood, educating my kids, working the land, stopping the unnecessary busyness that leads me personally and our family into a downward spiral.


6. Bringing the TTT. Our pastor did a series over the holidays that talked about what we could bring to the Lord for Christmas. It was three T's. Bringing our Talent, Time and Treasure. I think this is well said because all important things to me seem to fall under these categories. God has obviously been working on some time and treasure issues with me. And now its on with the talent.
My sweetest friend said to me one day, "I know why you have these "issues", you need them to keep you humble, because you can do everything." I am not saying this to brag. Unlike my hubby who exudes the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control) I stumble on these daily, but my talents overflow. I do not know why I can paint, cut hair, adopt, write, organize, teach, cook or do anything else. Trust me, the list of "can't do's" that is thrown in my face daily far exceeds this list. BUT I am focusing on gifts that are from Him. You have many too! What am I DOING with these talents?? If I am too BUSY I know I will not use them. Slow down, unplug and create for Him and for others. In using my gifts I am serving Him. To me it is a form of worship.

7. Be empowered. All the things I do, whether at home or on the go, I must be empowered. "I" just cannot do it because it leads me to those unwanted issues. I have to stay empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 138

Off to watch my husband hunt game, collect wood to float my covered wagon across a river and pray we are not stricken with dysentery.
NHP
P.S. Here is my hubby's trip to Haiti!
P.S.S. If you made it through this entire blog post- gold star for you!